Bumblings of A Busy Brain

© 2013 Paulissa Kipp, All rights reserved

This piece is a response to a journaling prompt.  The prompt:  Engage in a conversation with an organ of your body.  What would you ask it?  What would that organ have to tell you?

I chose my brain since it is sooooooo noisy some days.  The result is a humorous, yet accurate depiction of life inside my mind.  Yes, I really DO think in song lyrics.

Brain:   Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah La la how the life goes on Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah La la how the life goes on

Me:  Life goes on and we learn.  Why must you ALWAYS think in song lyrics?

Brain: My friend, I think in song and sonnet, harmony and melody, in Plato, Voltaire, Emerson, Thoreau and Shakespeare.  I am tthe essence of personality.  I create reality.  As we think, so we are.  “I just wannabe mad for awhileeeeee. . .”

Me:  Mad?  I’m not even angry!  Have you lost your mind?  Oh wait, , ,SHUT UP, ALREADY!

Brain:  “Honey hush, you know you talk too much.  You talk in the morning talk all damn day. . .so honey hush. . .

Money honey or honey hush.  What are negligent torts?  What IS that #!* noise?  What is for dinner?  Oh look!  A wild turkey outside the window!  Hmmm. . .too bad it isn’t Thankgiving.”

Me:  Slow down!  How do you expect me to concentrate?

Brain:  “Slow down, you move too fast, you’ve got to make the morning last
Just kickin’ down the cobble-stones, lookin’ for fun and feelin’ groovy.”

Me:  Move!   You’re standing too close to me.

Brain:  “Don’t stand, don’t stand, don’t stand so close to me. . .”

Me:  Shut up and let me rest!

Brain:  Somewhere Over the Rainbow. . .

Me:  Now that’s more like it.

For a little extra fun, here are links to the songs above:

Obla di:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJhcGepfG04

I Just Wanna Be Mad : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYjO-L48ZQQ

Feeling Groovy:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJBhdKrwTOc

Don’t Stand So Close to Me:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

Honey Hush:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lg9VPEQQ60

Money Honey:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8oNHMNCSjQ

Somewhere Over the Rainbow:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccCnL8hArW8

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Time to Break Through The Wall of Silence

Time to Break The Wall of Silence

Okey dokey,

I am feeling verrryyyyyy vulnerable but I know that I am amongst friends so it is time to talk because I am processing a lottttttttt of information but I am committed to authentically facing the challenges and joys in my life.  Here goes:  We have finally arrived at an official mental health diagnosis and it is a bit much to take in.  Here it is:  PTSD/anxiety disorder/adult ADD/bipolar disorder.  I hit every single hallmark for all of the above.  Damn dirty over-achiever lol.  While there is some relief in having terms to place on the manifestations -racing thoughts, the panic, the inability to concentrate, the need to escape, the triggering of fight/flight responses, the anger, the highs, lows, in-betweens and bone-crushing exhaustion – there is also a good amount of apprehension.  That age-old question of what now and how will this affect my ability to achieve the big things I want to do with my life rises up from the deep.  Panic begets panic and looking inward for too long causes implosion on my part.

Soooooooo. . .I choose to look outward; to help where I can, to know that I am worth doing the me-work that will establish better balance and well-being.  I know that the gift of mental illness is that if I am self-aware, it teaches me to actively practice self-care.  I have lots of thoughts and a few fears tonight since each diagnoses manifests worry or angst in me in a different fashion.

PTSD:  manifests itself in alarm, easy startling, a fight response when others enter my personal space uninvited

Anxiety disorder: manifests itself when least expected and is lower if I know that I only have to get through ____ amount of time in a given situation and then I either won’t have to face it again at all or won’t have to face it anytime soon.  Ramps up if there is a stressor that I have to endure regularly.  Still, I believe that exposure therapy is sometimes helpful.

ADD:  Manifests itself by scattering my thoughts, affecting my short term memory and making long periods of intense concentration impossible because I just want to escape.  Necessary tasks are more difficult due to the inability to concentrate.

BIPOLAR DISORDER:  Manifests itself with high and low energy.  During the highs, my energy and mood are boundless.  I am able to multitask well during those periods.  During the lows, the muscle pain is very palpable, exhaustion reigns and it takes everything I have to be any modicum of productive.

Welcome to my world.  Yet I’m here.  Learning. Working. Making a difference and hoping that sharing honestly not only helps me to understand myself but for others to understand that facing life with a mental illness does not mean we are weak but rather that we are courageous as hell.