Guest Post: When Abuse is Normal, Normal is Abuse

Today I am blessed and honored to share Jenny Griffin with each of you.  Jenny is a friend, the Catharsis Coach and the intuitive behind http://tinyurl.com/lz9m4hd  

Jenny took time to sit down with The Brain Creative to discuss “normal” in terms of abuse.  She has important truth to share.  Without any further ado, here’s Jenny:

 

When Abuse is Normal, Normal is Abuse

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 How is it that healing from abuse and other forms of indoctrination can seem never-ending? That triggers can haunt us for the rest of our lives, and leave us feeling like the confused and frightened children we once were? It’s all about normal; your normal, my normal, and the normals we build based on others’ perceptions.

 Abuse is akin to a cult mentality – it kidnaps your sense of Self and replaces it with a distortion of what is. The abuser’s own tainted experience of reality becomes the normal on which you build your life. For instance, if someone tells you often enough that you are useless, or a waste of space, it takes over your innate sense of belonging and worth in the world and you begin to see out through your eyes as a waste of space. You might make yourself small and quiet, taking only the dregs of what remains to sustain yourself, not wanting intrude on the space of those whose worth outweighs your own. The normal you build for yourself is based not only on someone else’s perception, but an incorrect perception at that.

 The problem with distorted normals like this is that because we have the amazing capacity for such change, we easily morph our whole perspective to fit the new version, without even realising we’re doing it. I’ll use an example to demonstrate. Have you ever changed the furniture in a room, only to forget three days later how it looked before, or that it was even different? Or when you drive by a place you’ve seen every day for years that has been knocked down and rebuilt, do you easily recall what stood there before? It’s so simple to accept these changes that we do it constantly, with only some awareness that something has shifted, but whatever has replaced it is so permanent, so real, that whatever was there before seems a distant dream.

 This is the difficulty with healing from abuse. Sometimes the things you believe are so real, and so undeniably your truth, that you might not even know where the discordance in beliefs begins and ends. Others may perceive you in a (positive) way that doesn’t reflect your own inner beliefs, and until you find a way to make those two versions gel, you will find theirs difficult to accept or understand.

 Healing is a long, slow untangling of normals, to find the truth behind the fear that the distortion is true instead. It means re-aligning after each belief is let go, to find a new and more resonant normal, which may or may not last. It’s a matter of being prepared to shift, and shift again, as you discover which normals are yours, and which belong to someone else. And it’s about meeting others with the knowledge that they, too, have a very unique and personal set of normals that may be entirely different from your own. It’s as good a place as any to start.

 

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~ Jenny Griffin

Also known as ‘The Catharsis Coach,’ Jenny loves exploring life’s twists and turns through the lens of transformation. Her own journey through catharsis, a deep, deep letting go of ingrained patterns and beliefs, resulted in a feeling of connectedness, with the world around her and with that wise and wonderful voice within. Jenny has learned to engage with her life and experiences in a way that allows her to use the knowledge gained through them to serve others. When she’s not writing, she’s coming up with new ways to help people move through change with grace and ease.

You can find her at: The Power of Change
on Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn and
on Twitter

 

 

 

 

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When Sorry Isn’t Enough

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“Despair”

“Sorry” you say,

Hoping to erase the pain,

Yet my breath is shallow and my heart is crushing me with each pump of blood.

Sorry isn’t enough when ego clouds consideration

When the flames of your anger leap to burn me,

You’re angry that I am scared; that I startle easily when you enter the room unannounced.

Intent or not,

Sorry isn’t enough when behavior remains the same.

The sacrifice of doing what I ask for safety’s sake – mine and yours

Why does my past have to beg?

Living with the P’s isn’t easy for either of us

Please don’t make it harder when sorry isn’t enough

Tears and pain crush me

When sorry isn’t enough.

© 2013 Paulissa Kipp, all rights reserved.

 

 

 

Poverty. . .Is It All In Your Mind?

It has been said that he who is grateful never knows poverty.  Yet we often think we are poor – financially, spiritual, socially, on an educational level or in terms of skills.  We think we don’t have the tools we need to succeed so we read articles, we take classes, we save, we hope, we pray.  We do everything but DO!  Sound familiar?

When we give power to the poverty mindset, it looks something like this

poverty² = inaction.  So often, overwhelm leads to the poverty mindset.  Our dreams are big and so are our fears.  Fear clouds reasons to the point that resources are overlooked.  We forget that we don’t have to do it all alone.  If we merely ask for help, admit what we don’t know and set out to dare to fail while learning, we move past poverty thinking into richness of experience.  In every trial, there is a blessing.  Yes, even when it does not immediately reveal itself.

What do you have going for you?

  • friends?
  • teaching skills?
  • contacts in areas related to your desired industry?
  • life experience?  Don’t downplay your experiences.
  • mentors?

The list could go on and on.  Your mission should you choose to accept:  Make a list of 10 riches you have that will move you toward your goals.  Once you have that list written, ask yourself why you may not be utilizing those resources to their full potential.  Allow that list to serve as your diving board.  Dive into your bold, rich life!

You are rich, dear ones, and oh so loved.

 

The Value of Beginning

© 2012 Paulissa Kipp

© 2012 Paulissa Kipp

The Value of Beginning

To begin . . .to start, to commence, to undertake a task.  Beginnings can be exciting – a new job, a new marriage, college, parenthood or any other unfamiliar change can set our hearts aflutter and fill our minds with the promise of unlocked opportunity.  Yet beginnings can also unleash fear, feelings of incompetence, inadequacy and of being a fish out of water.

I have experienced this firsthand recently.  I left a job in a work environment that was draining and went back to school after 6 years of working full time and attending classes part time.  A huge change and a bold beginning.  Yet all kinds of fears have risen to the top:  How will I manage the homework for 3 classes, a home, a business and a marriage and how will I care for myself in the mix?  Add in a class in 2D design that assumes far more art knowledge than I possess and panic attack city, here I come. Beginnings can be scary.

But think of the way a child learns to walk:  he or she first crawls, then takes a tentative step while holding onto surfaces, takes a tumble a few times, gets bruises and bumps, practices, then walks without hanging on and eventually runs.

Learning in general is much the same way.  We often undervalue beginnings and want to jump right to expertise, assuming that mastery is easier.  Mastery may be more comfortable, but it doesn’t teach us as much. Beginnings teach us to humble ourselves, to be receptive, to listen and absorb, and to lean on others for help and support.  The greatest life lessons arrive wrapped in hard work and discomfort.  That, my friends, is when we learn about ourselves.  We learn what we are made of when we are pushed beyond our limitations.

What am I learning by being outside my comfort zone?  I am learning to push through my resistance at being a beginner.  I am learning to tell myself that even though I may be a beginner, I am not untalented.  I am learning the value of having a foundation to build upon.  I am learning to be open to receiving the gifts that learning through baby steps has to offer.  I am learning the value of beginning.

Remember, brave ones, that moving forward can be measured in many ways and that moving in any direction is OK as long as you are moving.  Baby steps. . .

Can you think of a time when beginning (even if you were beginning something you desperately desired) scared you?  How did you handle your fear to find joy in the change?

Your Mission:  write, create a piece of art or photography that shows what beginning looks like to you.