Is there such a thing as a “just war”? A right war? A moral war? A needed war? There are some who would argue YES. What about the war inside? The war of the mind that affects your heart light and keeps you from authentically manifesting your magnificence.
Today we’re discussing growth inhibitors. Unlike fertilizer, inhibitors include thoughts, phrases and behaviors that hold us back. The stories we tell ourselves and the language we use even in our thoughts affect our action or inaction.
The top 4 growth inhibitors:
I just. . .
I just often precedes a statement that reflects conflict and internal struggle. A dissonance.
When discussing a friend who chooses to make decisions that may or may not be in his or her best interests: “I just don’t want to see _____ homeless and unable to have _____. ” Even though we know that we have no control over the situation, we want to be able to influence another’s behavior. We don’t have that power.
“I just want them to understand. I just don’t want to be the outcast” for setting healthy boundaries and taking care of one’s own well-being. You can’t do both, dear one. Personal growth requires sacrifice and self-preservation. That often means leaving situations or people that have become toxic behind.
Yeah but. . .
Yeah but often precedes a statement in which a person knows what he or she needs to do or that the advice or facts are true but isn’t yet ready to take action.
When discussing healthy boundaries with family or friends: Yeah but they’re family and I have to put up with them or there won’t be a relationship. Yeah but if I don’t do what they expect, they won’t provide babysitting, etc. Yeah buts come up in situations where we’re afraid of the outcome if we hold our ground.
But it’s haaaaaarrrrrrdddddd. . .
Did that sound like a whiny 2 year old? Good! It was meant to because that it is exactly what we sound like when we use it. But it’s haaaaarrrrrddddddd often precedes a statement in which change has either begun or is about to be embarked upon. It is a reflection of inner resistance to change.
The need to take time for oneself to study, meditate, do art or simply recharge. “But it’s haaaaaaarrrrdddd to set aside the time. I’m sooooooo busy, stressed, etc.” The REALITY: We all get the same 24 hours, dear one. We each make the time for what we consider important. Why can’t YOU be one of those treasured things? Even 20 minutes to do what you love will make a difference in your outlook.
OR “I know I need to eat right/stop smoking/exercise etc but it’s haaaaarrrrrrrdddddd.” Of course it’s hard. Changing habits requires commitment. Are you willing to commit to loving yourself enough to change? You can’t punish yourself into self-love; you have to love yourself with affirming action. Baby steps are fine but move yourself forward a little at a time.
Intended to shut down uncomfortable conversations or thoughts, I can’t implies that you are infinitely limited. But the word impossible contains the words “I’m possible.” Trite, I know yet internalizing that truth is powerful beyond measure.
Reframing the “I justs, yeah buts, but it’s hards and I can’ts”.
I have a few journaling exercises to turn those thoughts around and manifest ACTION.
I JUST. Take a moment to think about what you really WANT from a given situation. Look at the change that needs to happen and identify YOUR needs. Do you need peace, acceptance, self-love? Identify how you can remove the toxic and create what you want. Can you take a walk, make art, say “I choose not to entertain that thought/energy”? When you have identified what you need, practice saying silently or out loud (in the instance of people who may be emotional vampires) “I choose not to entertain that.”
YEAH BUT. Write down what is the worst case scenario. Then decide what you really want from the situation and write down what is the BEST thing that could come from the situation.
Make a list of the difficult things you have done in your life. What are the traits that you exhibited that allowed you to handle those situations. You still carry those traits, dear one. They may have fallen dormant for a period of time, but you have everything you need to make necessary changes right there inside your phoenix soul.
I CAN’T. Write down your list of I can’ts. Then in another column make a heading that reads BUT WHAT IF I COULD? List what would happen if you could. Then list small steps that you can take to turn the can’ts into I CAN and I DID!
You are a Phoenix Uprising! You are stronger than you can imagine and you have the power to be anything you dream of. Vulnerability is power, strength and might. Strength is born from vulnerability – from being vulnerable enough to be uncomfortable and to walk through the fire to emerge a Phoenix of your own destiny.